I didn’t end up pulling any pranks this year, but I was reminded of one I pulled in 2003. It is still one of my best.
I was in India studying for my MCSE, which a friend of mine once said did not stand for Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer, but for Marriage Comes Simply and Easily. I sent this message to my friends back home whom I had been away from for two months. this was the first time that I was in India without my father and I did actually have a fear of this:
My biggest fear of coming to India for two months alone has come true. My relatives are trying to set me up. I went to my aunt’s house the other night for dinner. They said they were having some other guests coming also. When I arrive, there is a table set up with paper and photos on it! Would you believe they had interviews for me! I knew that I might get set up eventually with some guy at a party who they thought was appropriate, but this! This is too much. I had to sit through 4 interviews, not only of eligible bachelors, but their parents too! One guy even brought his grandparents.
I know I joked about it before, but this is serious! What could I say? “I’m sorry that you’ve gone through this trouble, but I’m not in a position for this.” with all of them expected and joining us for dinner? Doubtful. Of course going for dinner, I was dressed in a Punjabi Dress, so I looked like the perfect Indian girl. What are they thinking? I’m bordering on tears, laughter and complete hysteria. Get me the hell out of here!
I only got a couple of responses when I first sent it out, most of which were sympathetic, including asking when they needed to send out the search party. When I sent a follow-up email the next day, I got a tonne more.
This one is the reaction that someone got from the dojo:
You are hilarious! I just finished telling the girls at the Dojo that the worst has come true Shanta is interviewing for a husband…the girls stared at me with wide eyed disbeleif…until i told them it was an Aprils Fools joke! Ahahahaha…you even had me going at first!
Here’s one of the better replies:
After my friend Mike wrote me a great top 10 list to make me laugh (which I’m still trying to locate), he wrote me this after finding out that it was a joke:
cute Shanta…real cute. Love: Mikey PS: I don’t mean to be rude, but… NOW I HOPE AND PRAY IT HAPPENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you play any pranks today?
UPDATE: I found the Top 10 List! (WARNING: Some foul language in this…)
Shanta Emptor (Let the Shanta beware!) Hi Shanta HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!! Oh well, look at it this way, your having great meals, guys are fauning all over you, and you would look “absolutely mahvelous” in traditional Indian attire. The real bitch is… you have to sit through any of the following TOP TEN!!!… 1. “I make $200,000.00 American selling captured tourists into slavery. So I will be a wonderful husband.” 2. “I am a computer programmer as well, I am a web-master, a C++ wizard, and I am looking for an inferior wife to learn from me as I am so proficient. So I will make a wonderful husband.” 3. “I’m 6 feet tall, with movie-star looks and a penis like a parade elephant, am a professional masseur and love to cook, travel, and make-love in waterfalls on exotic getaways. I’m sure my other 3 wives will also love you. So I will make a wonderful husband.” 4. “How do you say “Bu-Ka-Ke” in American?… Oh. I will make a wonderful husband.” 5. “My mother said that I should marry you. She will also tell you that I am a great lover. So I will make a wonderful husband. 6. ” I promise that I will not marry you simply to become a citizen of Canada… How long does that take anyhow? Really? I will make a wonderful husband!!! 7. ” A woman belongs in the kitchen, fat with children, cooking my supper. So I will make a wonderful husband.” 8. “Many times I have done this interview thing, yet you are the only one to have sufficient dowry. So I will make a wonderful husband.” 9. (staring at your breasts) “I have not one, but TWO reasons to wed this gracious lady. They are… um… Did I mention I would make a wonderful husband.” 10. ” WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE!!! Your family beat me unconcious and held me in a wine cellar for 3 DAYS!… What?…she’s from Canada?…So?… (clik!) I’ll make a wonderful huband if they put those guns down!” Hope I made you laugh again in your time of woe. Be strong. We’re here for you. #9 is probably the best. Love and hugs! Mikey PS: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!… snort…giggle. Bb…